Every time I feel like if there is something big or something bothering me, I would just want to pen down my thoughts and kind of in a way.. arrange and sort things out. 

Here I am, once again writing a new blog post almost after a year. 

So, I am going back home. Back to where I was born, and back to where I was raised and where my loved ones are. 

It was a huge decision but it took me a lot of courage to actually make that choice. 

At the end of 2020, I thought that I didn't want to spend the last day of the year alone because its kind of sad and.. the pandemic hasn't been any better. 

I was getting into Taiwan videos and thought maybe I want to meet the guys from there. loll so I downloaded this app and I happened to meet this guy whom I never thought would make me see the things I've never seen. 

To elaborate what I meant, it was more about me falling out of my fangirling. I realise a lot more and how I also miss home. I miss receiving attention and I miss being with friends and just doing stupid and memorable stuff. 

I do have friends in Korea but there's just a few close ones. We all have our lives and while we do gather time to time, there's just nothing like home I suppose. 

I have spent 8.5 years in this country, I feel like I have a love-hate relationship but it is definitely something I did not regret. 

I missed out many important events, timelines in my family and I hope that I can make that up once I go back. I want to just be at home.. though I would probably hate the nagging from my mum but its just something called love that I miss so much. 

I would probably get tired from playing with my nephew and stuff but I want to be the aunt who is there, watching him grow. Graduating from pre-school to even getting enrolled into primary school and so on. It's all part of life and something that will never come again. 

I guess I would complain about the hot and humid weather in Singapore but I'm so glad I would be able to wear flip flops, shorts and just get a cup of Koi anywhere. 

There's a lot of things waiting for me and I believe the transitioning and getting use to the culture will take a while but I think I can do this. 

Up to till now, I've always look back and wondered where did I get the freaking courage to just go to a foreign land to pursue something I'd love. It's scary how something/someone you love can make you do things so scary. lol. 

Dam.. I was brave. 

Anyway, I guess visiting my blog once in a while its pretty interesting. It gives me a sense of nostalgia and reminds me of who I really am. :)

I think the very first time when I started to blog was to sort of pen down the thoughts I had when I was a 13 year old kid who just started attending secondary school.

I always knew that I will forget the things that happened and I thought one of the best options was to type and deposit my memories and things that happened in school and stuff on the internet. I don't think I ever regret starting a blog because it had allowed me to go through my thoughts and think about the stuff that was in my mind.

Who knew that about... 14 years later, I am now writing at the exact some blog, thinking about my life in the future.

It has only been 4 months into 2020 and it hadn't been that smooth. I believe that many would say that if they had a rewind button, they would want to go back to the end of 2019 and start all over again. Do I want to do the same thing?

Maybe... or maybe not.

Ever since a long time ago (I think), there had been a few movies that talked about travelling back in time to make up for some of the mistakes people made etc. Time machines were built and the main character would travel back so that they could apologise to people, save someone from a fatal accident, say 'I love you' to their dearest and so on. I mean I guess I understand the reasons why they plan and want to go back in time. I'm sure deep down inside anyone, all of us have that moment we would want to return.

I do too.

But I guess the past is the past and there is no point in dwelling in the past. It is part of life. We all make mistakes, we all make tough decisions.

I haven't look back at the posts which I had written back in 2012 because that was when I thought maybe my posts were the cringy-est. It was the time when I had made my first step into Korea.

Can you believe it has been 8 years since I had decided to just switch my life, run away from whatever I was running away? I was only 18 and I guess it's possible.

If I were 18 once again, I doubt I would have the courage to do so. Strange but yes. 18 was a powerful and beautiful time in life. I was daring, I didn't care what people think, I hurt a lot of people, most probably my family when I said I wanted to go to Korea to just do something which I thought it was my dream.

I still remembered the time when a lot of my close friends thought that I was out of my mind and that I had fallen too deeply into K-Pop idols. Yes, it's true.

But I guess maybe perhaps due to my venture into the unknown, I had been through so, so much. It's hard to explain but I guess when you decided to just start a new life in a foreign country, you thought you could do literally anything.

It's true and it was really an adventure I would say. And also an achievement which I never thought I would have imagined.

Well, I think the time has come. I'm not sure when but I feel like it's time to go back into the home which had given me the love I'd thought I never had and I'd been taken for granted.

A new change awaits for me and I honestly am not sure if I am able to handle it well. I think I can. I hope I can. And I will.

I want to become the person when I go back that says 'I didn't regret going away for 8 years' because I have learned so so so much if I had decided to stay in Singapore.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Labels: home, korea, life, singapore

Hello~

Labels: career, dance, korea, life, sitcoms, writer

Labels: decisions, home, korea, life, love, singapore

익명이

hello

Hello.

Don't you feel like ever since you started working, things are so different? Weekends become so precious and so is alone time.

Health becomes so important and eating right becomes an important factor in life too.

I don't know.. Just have been wondering and thinking about life. Thinking about what am I doing and what do I want to achieve. There are many things I want to do, many things I want to learn and many places I want to visit too.

For some reason, I feel like just visiting the U.S. or something. Try out their food and experience for the first time the Western culture. Sure I've made a lot of friends who came from the U.S. in Korea but its just different. Maybe check out the buildings, architecture and stuff.

I also want to go back to Taiwan once again and breathe the fresh air at the country sides. Everything just seem to slow down when you are away from the busy city.

But guess what is the funny thing. I realised that every time I'm away from my present life? I would always yearn to return to the city. To this fast paced, competitive and stressful society. I'm not sure why too.

As I typed this down, I suddenly remember a class which I took about two years ago. It was about city development, part of the classes for international studies. It was a long chapter about development of cities etc and the main point from that chapter was living in a city itself, makes you worst but you kind of cannot get out of it. Strange but I think its true.

What do I want in life? Family, friends, dance, BTS, K-Pop, bubble tea, fish pancake, food, fast delivery (ha). I mean I have been thinking about what's going to happen after I go back to Singapore. Is there going to be a job or thing that will fit me?

I feel like after staying in Korea for almost 6 years, I realised I kind of found myself but at the same time made me realise a lot of stuff I did not know about myself. But I don't think I should be pushing myself to think too much about this. After all, it's life. Nothing its for sure.

Just like what Earl said in "2 Broke Girls", the only sure thing in life is death. Ironic but right on the spot.

I wonder also if I'm just overthinking. Nothing wrong to overthink but I mean, you know those days when you can't help but overthink. I guess it's one of those days for me. Haha.

Actually I kind logged into my blog to talk about dance but I'm not sure why I suddenly decided to talk about other stuff. lol. I'm doing fine just a lot on my mind.

Hope everyone is doing well, healthy and safe. ^^




Hello.
For those who don't know what my current job is right now, I am currently working as an editor at this media company. And well, obviously K-Pop related. So basically I write usually 6 articles a day and that is honestly quite a lot.

I think that is also the reason why every time during weekends I dont really find the will to write or update blogs and stuff. It kind of became like a weird.. thing. Like as if I am working on the weekends or something. But I guess I feel pretty alright today and here I am typing.

For over a month I have been writing articles in 'proper' English. lol. I don't mean like my English was not proper before that all anything. But I guess it kinda just made me become more formal and exact. I mean look at what I have written for the past two paragraphs. All my 'i's are in the uppercase and I type K-Pop and not kpop anymore. lol.

Anyway, one of the reasons why I have decided to update my blog which I havent been doing for a while is because of an idol related incident which I had written yesterday.

If you guys know about Samuel from produce 101 season 2. He was known as the second Jeon Somi because of him being interracial. During that time, people were also wondering if he was being discriminated due to his nationality. He is talented and if I didnt remember wrongly, he is also the first person during that season to get A on the show's level evaluation test.

So what happened was during yesterday music bank, KBS apparently has this interview section with idols after they arrive at the scene. He was being interviewed and honestly I have no idea why they were also doing the interview in the middle of the road too. But anyway, so I am also sure you know fans with cameras who take photos of their idols. They are called 'homma' in Korean. So those fans of NCT apparently went over the fence and chased after NCT and tried to take photos of them. But, here comes the problem.

They freaking bumped into Samuel and acted as if nothing had ever happened. Well, the moment I saw that I felt like anger was boiling in me. Like DUDE THAT'S FREAKING RUDE!!! Another reason why I got so angry was because I am also a fan myself. As a fan yourself, you definitely don't feel good when you see fans from other fandom being rude to your idol right? I mean seriously, it's rude.

Now I get why its tough work for security guards at music shows too. They have to be fierce for a reason too. Because some fans just don't get it. They don't get the danger of pushing the limits. I am obviously disgusted by actions of those fans and I don't mean just those fans. All those fans which went overboard and exceeded the rights of being a fan.

I mean I don't know if Samuel and NCT members are close to each other or not but I hope they are fine. Its definitely also not NCT members' fault but I really do hope that those fans need to learn their lessons. Because.. I believe in karma.

Have a good day everyone.

Labels: issues, korea, kpop, life, work